All You Need is Love and Some of Those Little Candy Hearts

**Author's note: the following was originally written in February 2002**

I often feel nauseous. For years now I have observed that I seem to be stricken with a much more serious and dangerous nausea in early February. It may be tied to the fact that I've eaten a thousand candy hearts, hearts that come in shades of pink, yellow, or green, sporting such romantic phrases as "be mine" and "I love you", but I really think that what makes me most nauseous is the fact that the most deceptive, evil holiday known to man is celebrated on the fourteenth day of February---and there is nothing I can do about it.

For years I was absolutely powerless to stop this mindless tirade of fake affection; there seemed to be nothing I could do about Valentine's Day, and I thought that there would never be anything for me to do about it. Thoughts like that are hard to destroy, yet my train of thought was annihilated a couple years ago. No, I was not converted to the true meaning of Valentine's Day. No, my soul was not overcome by a love so powerful that I had to prove its veracity by doling out lavish gifts. Two compatriots and I stumbled upon a solution, a revelation that we could not deny. Amidst flowers, chocolates, and those vile candy hearts, we celebrated our own holiday: Anti-Valentine's Day.

Picture it: three teenage boys, coming together in high school to celebrate a holiday they call Anti-Valentine's Day. Is there any doubt in your mind that they are just jealous adolescents who can't get dates and have no one to spend Valentine's Day with? Obviously they created their little holiday as a way to make themselves feel better about being such losers. Now that we've gotten a vivid picture in your mind, I'd like to ask you to promptly destroy that image as quickly as possible. Had we wanted to observe the traditional Valentine's Day we could have. We may have been losers, but we were losers by choice not fate. Though for one day of the year, we were actually the only logical ones of the lot. We were the cool kids who knew what was up. We saw things that most people will never see in their lifetime. We saw that Valentine's Day is a farce of a holiday. Millions of people have it set in their minds that February 14th is the best day of the year. Why? Because they receive gifts and candy and affection they don't receive any other time of the year; it is the Christmas for hopeless romantics. Much like the actual Christmas that comes once a year, the meaning of Valentine's Day has been lost. In its conception, Valentine's Day is a great idea; in its celebration, Valentine's Day is an atrocity.

How awful could a holiday be that supposedly promotes love? I'm not sure, but I do know that the Teletubbies also promote love. Question answered. To put it bluntly, Valentine's Day is not about love. Corporate big-wigs want you to think it is. If you really love someone, is it necessary to heap gift upon gift at their feet on a special designated day other than birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Columbus Day, and Labor Day? A real showing of love does not involve gifts or delicious victuals. Valentine's Day was created to dupe people into thinking that by purchasing expensive gifts they can show how much love they feel for someone. In all truthfulness, they are inadvertently doing the opposite. Do you have to be told when to tell someone that you love them? Does some C.E.O. of the mega-corporation that creates those little candy hearts have the right to tell you to that February 14th is the day to show your love and spend your money? I think not. Make that capitalist pig eat his shorts by not procuring anything related in any way to Valentine's Day---does anyone really like those little candy hearts anyways?

Aside from being a holiday created to steal your hard earned money, Valentine's Day does much more harm than good to those who celebrate it. Although it stimulates our economy, which by February is still stuck in the post-Christmas rut, the psychological effects of the holiday are astounding and far reaching. From the elementary schools to the care centers, Valentine's Day is upon us all. Young children base their personal worth on how many valentines they get dumped into their homemade box; both low and high self-esteems are created this way. What kind of message are we sending that child who receives very few to no valentines? Because this holiday is made out to be something important, that child will suffer for a long time because he didn't get as many valentines as some of the other kids.
Depression, self-loathing, anger, bitterness, those are all feelings that can and do accompany this holiday of love, and those feelings are probably even more prevalent amongst adults. Spending the holiday of love alone can cause severe depression in the lives of those unfortunate enough to believe that you have to have someone to share Valentine's Day with. The quantity and quality of gifts received on Valentine's Day lead human beings to create status levels, a class system of sorts, but the way I see it, our society is divided enough. What we truly need is unity, and Valentine's Day is circumventing any attempt at a long-lasting united society.

John Lennon sang, "All you need is love," and he was right. But those powers that be want you to think that all you need is love and some of those little candy hearts, a dozen roses, a box of chocolates, and some cute little stuffed teddy bear holding a cute little stuffed heart. Through all of time and across the many different cultures that inhabit our beautiful world, the ability to love has always been one of mankind's greatest characteristics. Love should be shown often; if you feel it, show it. Why should there be only one day a year designated to show someone that you love them? Wouldn't a gift given at random be more meaningful than a gift given on a day you're supposed to? Love, when it is truly felt, is a constant thing and should be expressed constantly. Anti-Valentine's Day is not about being anti-love; it promotes love in its pure form. Love is meant to be shared often, and once a year is not often enough. Instead of Valentine's Day, why not have Valentine's Year or Valentine's Decade? Or maybe we ought to just live our entire lives with love; if we did that, there'd be no need for this meaningless holiday. When I hear John Lennon and the Beatles sing, "All you need is love," I cannot help but echo their sentiments and whisper a quiet "amen". Until the world realizes its errors, accepts the truth, and begins to treat each and every person living on this earth with love, this is how I will stand: Pro-Love, Anti-Valentine's Day.

Time for Some Real Talk.

Is anybody out there? No, really. Is there anyone out there actually reading this blog? If so, please leave a comment.

I just want to share something that I learned once upon a time. When a girl says, "I don't feel like I can be in a relationship right now," she really means, "I don't want to be in a relationship with you." Okay, I can understand that; I probably wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me either, but at least tell me that straight up. Don't feed me any more of your conscience-sparing "I'm not the bad person here" garbage. You heard me.

Alright, time for some real talk. Do girls think that they are somehow sparing our feelings? Do they think that we are not smart enough to see what is really going on? I would think so much more highly of a girl that told me she didn't want to be in a relationship with me. I can respect brutal honesty, even if it hurts at first. I cannot, however, respect someone who can't find the courage to speak truth when it is most needed. Speaking half-truths in order to spare someone's feelings is insulting and the exact opposite of what this blog and its authors stand for.

Women of the world, be sincere in accepting us or courageous in rejecting us. We'll thank you either way.

Ode to Chivalrous Conduct

There is a man that we of the brotherhood of chivalry know for his gallantry and exploits. His recent quest for the hand of a maiden fair has resulted nil. His advances accepted but his heart rejected. His attention he showered upon her as the manna from heaven nurturing her soul and mind through her personal agonies. Yet, the great tragedy of this most noble of endeavors was the cruelness of the maiden. Disdain is shown once more for the chivalrous of heart! When his fancy he revealed with such constant attention she accepted only out of self-indulgence, out of selfishness.

The most humane course of actions would have been to have severed, as if with a blade fine and honed, all ties and aspirations so as to let the soul of so gallant a man begin to heal. However, with the long and deliberate slicing of so jagged a knife she wounds him still - a wound that will leave a scar such as dull instruments are wont to do.

Thus, cruelty mocks chivalry.

Silence and I

Interesting people have interesting things to say, right? If so, why don't I ever have interesting things to use to generate interesting conversations with people? The obvious answer would be that I am uninteresting, but I really don't believe that to be true. I mean, I like interesting things and can talk quite intelligently about a lot of things, but when I am around people that I don't know very well, I tend to sit silently and not actively generate conversation.

I am naturally timid in certain situations. Once I get to know people that timidity vanishes and conversation flows freely. The paradox lies in the fact that I only overcome my timidity and talk freely to people when I get to know them well, but I only get to know them well by talking to them. Clearly, remaining in my natural state won't change anything.

The easy answer is that I just need to be more confident. That always seems to be the easy answer - easy to give, at least; for those who keep receiving this advice, it's not the easiest thing to hear. Self-confidence isn't something that can be miraculously generated. It takes a lot of conscious decisions to change and a herculean effort to make it happen, and I am not sure that I am ready to make that effort. I know that I need to and that I'm tired of sitting silently when there are people nearby that I am interested in getting to know better. I know that I should be more active and assertive in getting out in the social spheres, but no matter how convinced I am of the appropriate course of action, I still find it difficult.

Of course, I could overcome these obstacles only to find out that I really am uninteresting after all, and then everything will be explained satisfactorily. Until I discover the truth of this matter, here's to the silent, yet interesting, men and women of the world.

Hail! Our Glorious Anthem!

I, the giver of light and knowledge, hereby proclaim that this blog must "have its roof blown off" as my cohort so eloquently phrased it. I therefore present the anthem of our glorious and widely unknown pursuit of justice for men.

Chivalry in the Wind
I am a man, raised to be so, then I am cast away.
All my life, taught to be respectful, is something wrong with me?
Lost to the world, lost to the world in our chivalry.

Same old door, I hold it open but she still chooses to ignore.
All we do, is for granted taken, and I mean by you.
Lost to the world, lost to the world is our chivalry.

Now, don't let go, once we're gone forever, we're forever gone.
Day by day, and soon you ladies will not have another gallant guy.

Lost to the world, lost to the world is our chivalry.
Lost to the world, lost to the world is our chivalry.

"I'm going to blow the roof off this thing."

“I am going to blow the roof off this thing.”

That’s what I said earlier today in reference to this blog, and I meant absolutely every word of it. I am tired of this blog moving along at a glacial pace, and I intend to kick start it by posting something everyday this week. I even made a list of topics worth writing about – that’s how serious I am about this. Though today’s entry probably won’t be anything special, there should be some good stuff at some point this week. Who knows, maybe I’ll post my long personal essay on the subject of beards.

Being that it is already late and I’m tired and have an aching head, I will stick to a Superficial Comment of the Day for tonight’s post. Tonight’s SCotD is about the way people get lured into near-relationships only to be spat out rather unceremoniously. Point in case, this past summer I was almost in a relationship. This girl and I hung out a lot (by a lot I mean nearly every day for three weeks), and at one point, we both expressed our interest in one another. Logically, I was pretty certain this was leading towards a relationship. Well, it may have been, but it definitely didn’t reach that point. The girl told me she didn’t feel ready to be in a relationship, and that was that. I quickly convinced myself to not dwell on it too much, and I was able to move on quickly.

What bothered me then, and still bothers me now, is this: shouldn’t she have known before things went so far that she wasn’t ready for a relationship? When someone says that they’re not ready to be in a relationship, it really means they don’t want to be in a relationship with you. If you know or sense that, why let things get so far along? A lot of guys probably wouldn’t deal with the letdown so rationally and unemotionally, and the disappoint could really hurt them. I’m not trying to say that this only happens with girls; guys are equally as guilty of doing this.

Of course, I understand being unsure if a relationship would work out, having some doubts, but ignoring them and starting a relationship only to find that it won’t work. I can’t say that I haven’t done that, because I have, last summer even. But I never felt that it wouldn’t work out until I gave it a try. Once I knew, I did what I had to to rectify the situation, and I always felt that it was best for both of us. I suppose what I am trying to get at with this comment is that people ought to be more upfront as soon as they sense that a relationship should not happen or would not work out. The sooner everything is resolved, the less people will be hurt.

That’s what I think, at least.

Among other things

At first glance this might seem to be an unfair and cruel rant on modern fashion.

I know that would be an odd and superficial tone coming from the great giver of light and knowledge. I just want to say that it is impossible to be chivalrous, even in my often outlandish and awkward way, towards people that look like they slipped on a patch of ice and slammed right into an electrified rainbow.

Ah yes, what, you might ask, is the electrified rainbow? It is a rainbow that has insane amounts of electricity flowing through it the like of which have never thought to have been possible. The unfortunate violent reactions are (for men): an odd spike of hair popping out of the the top of the head (oftentimes changing colour)and/or other hair anomalies (though less common), the jeans are burnt and take on a rusted colour and shrink to inhumanely small sizes, shirts adapt the overall fanciful gaiety of the rainbow from which they sprang, and their once proud symbols of virility, yeah the beard, are charred to the point to which only embarrassing attempts can be made at true beardiness.

For women, it is the warrior-paint anomaly (the reasoning for this is as follows: 1. since girls are made from sugar and spice and everything nice, and 2. collide with the electrified rainbow, then 3. two negatives make a positive and women wear warrior-paint of many colours often worn not to attract men as previously thought but as a warning like so so many exotic creatures of the deep jungles), their once crowning virtue of femininity, their hair, is either burnt short to resemble something of a hedgehog or the warrior-paint anomaly is further exacerbated long locks of not blond hair (as commonly held) but a lion's mane slowly taking over their once prominent locks. Truly, not only their femininity but also their humanity is undone by the double-negative reaction (reasoning shown previously) as feet and calves are replaced by TACKY UGG™BOOTS!!! (take that RoboCop)

Bereft of humanity these poor creatures wander our streets. Oblivious to the metamorphosis, that would have made Kafka wail in unending agony, that they have endured they are the cause of the prolonging of winter and the propagation of the 'slip and smash of the ignorant into that most repulsive of rainbows.

Oh cruelties of cruelties! Oh mockery of mockeries! Oh misery of miseries! Alas! the rainbow has been their downfall and my chivalry hath none effect! Alas, all of mine...is chivalry in the wind.